


I'm Not Jealous

by burnie-church (CereittanyPrincess15)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Drunken Kissing, First Time, Grinding, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:39:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9807731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CereittanyPrincess15/pseuds/burnie-church
Summary: Living with your crush can be pure torture, especially when said crush is constantly bringing home one-night stands, and no one knows this better than Jordan. Despite his inner griping and some unsubtle nudges from JJ, Jordan can't seem to admit his feelings to Brandon, but a push from an unexpected source might be all he needs to finally confess.(Originally posted on November 10 2013)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to post this on Valentine's Day, but I forgot ^^" so I'm posting it on my birthday instead, I hope you guys like it <3

Jordan woke up at the same time he always did and headed for the bathroom, unsure if Brandon was still asleep, already at work, or just never came home the night before. He passed by the front door, noted the lack of shoes and came to the conclusion that yes, he definitely wasn’t home, and judging by the Advil bottle still in its place, hadn’t returned at all. To anyone else this would be worrying news. To Jordan, it was just another Monday.

Everyone at work knew that Brandon was a ladies’ man (or attempted to be), and because Jordan was currently staying with him, he knew it best of all. Too many nights he had come home with someone and proceeded to keep Jordan awake until she left or snuck out, while others he didn’t return until later the next day. A few times he had come in well after midnight, drunk off his ass and smelling of perfume, covered in hickies that he couldn’t seem to hide no matter what he wore.  He would wake Jordan up on these nights when he fumbled in the dark for something to dull the ache in his head, not wanting to turn on the lights and always making a ruckus in the process. Eventually Jordan learned how to tune him out.

As he showered he tried to remember what had happened the night before; he knew Brandon had gone out with Chris, JJ, and Blaine to film a recap, so perhaps he had done a repeat performance of his last street Recap and just gotten too drunk to drive? He shuddered thinking back on it, how he had to drive out there to bring him home lest he stay with one of their co-workers, how he stayed by his bedside all night to make sure he didn’t accidentally roll off the bed and hit his head or something. The next morning he had gone into work with the worst pain in his back and neck while Brandon kept complaining about the worst hangover he’d ever had.

He was so difficult to live with on nights like these, and seeing as Jordan was his guest and Brandon was the only one of their friends kind enough to give him a place to stay while he looked for an apartment he knew he had no room to complain. Of course, all things considering, he knew he couldn’t complain even if he wanted to, because it was little trivial things like that that made Jordan fall in the first place.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror, the fog on the glass having been wiped away so he could finish getting ready. He stood perfectly still, his damp hair falling into his eyes and dripping water down his face, just looking himself over and thinking, ‘Why am I not good enough?’ The girls Brandon went for were always skinny little things, very attractive and curvy and flirty and no matter where they went there always seemed to be at least one of them catching his eye.

Jordan was thin too, he was well aware of it, and if he squinted he could almost consider himself attractive; he took care of himself and was considered the classiest dresser in the whole company, a title he did not deny. But he lacked the curves Brandon sought, and his beard would surely be a problem when they kissed (he felt his face heat up and looked away a moment) when the other was so used to soft skin. He knew how to flirt but preferred to joke around with clever retorts and a certain level of sass, although he still had to successfully flirt with someone and not make the recipient laugh at him, and not in the good way.

Sighing, he got dressed, dried his hair and styled it, and headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice and some spare change for something to pick up on the way to work. Just as he went to open the door it unlocked and swung forward, startling him and almost hitting him in the face. He backed up as Brandon stumbled in, his eyes tired and his shoulders slumped; he smelled of alcohol with a slight hint of vomit, and Jordan couldn’t help but notice the lipstick kiss on his collar and the new hicky on his neck.

‘Oh, hey Jordan. Heading out?’ Brandon muttered as he immediately went for the coffee maker, not even bothering to take off his shoes and letting his coat fall to the floor.

‘Yeah, I’ve gotta revise a little section of the RTAA and talk to Shane about his part, why? Do you want me to drive you in?’ he asked from the door, Brandon shaking his head and stretching, almost spilling his cupful of water as he did.

‘Nah, I’ll be there in about an hour. If Gus asks where I am just cover for me, okay?’ Jordan unconsciously gripped the door a little tighter, putting on a smile before saying goodbye and heading for his car. He kept a straight face until he was safe in the vehicle, letting his expression change to one of slight anger. He’d covered for Brandon before, that was nothing new, and it wasn’t like he was angry because he came in late. It was more like he was mad at himself for feeling this way, because as soon as he had seen the mark he had felt a twinge of pain in his chest and the familiar bitter taste of jealousy against whoever this new girl was that had given it to him, just like every other time.

He had realized he was jealous long before he had realized his own feelings towards his temporary roommate, so finding out that he was probably very much in love with the man by wishing he had been the one Brandon had more than likely slept with the night before wasn’t his favourite revelation. He should’ve clued in the night he had woken up squirming and lightly thrusting into the couch cushion after dreaming about him, but had chalked it up to Brandon currently bedding some girl less than 40 feet away from him and being rather loud about it and went back to sleep.

By the time he got to work he was wrapped up in his thoughts, not even hearing JJ calling out to him until Kyle and Chris had joined in and were collectively yelling his name. When he finally noticed he nearly jumped out of his skin, tripping over his own feet and falling to the pavement. Thankfully Blaine noticed and grabbed onto him, the others laughing at his clumsiness as he steadied himself and walked into the Annex. They all followed, Chris and Kyle going to their desks as JJ plopped into his chair and rolled over to his friend, noting the lack of Brandon to Jordan's right.

‘Lemme guess: he’s at home, curled up in a bunch of blankets with the lights off and all the Advil in the house next to his bed again, am I right?’ JJ joked, Jordan glancing at him before shaking his head.

‘Not this time, he’s just gotta shower and brush his teeth a few times; he said he’d be here in an hour.’ JJ didn’t look convinced.

‘If you say so. I’m guessing his girlfriend got him home safe then?’ JJ didn’t notice the way Jordan's hand twitched as he dropped his USB onto the desk.

‘Girlfriend? When did that happened?’ He was positively certain he wasn’t doing a good job at hiding the falter in his voice.

‘I’m kidding; he met up with someone after the Recap and went off with her, what else is new?’

‘You guys talking about that girl Brandon hooked up with?’ Blaine asked from his corner of the room. JJ nodded and Jordan turned to him to see that he was smiling. ‘She was hot. I was honestly surprised she said yes.’

‘Me too!’ Chris laughed, the both of them chatting together as Jordan sat down and tried not to compare himself to this girl as well. JJ noticed this look however and leaned in, swiveling his chair back and forth and casually turning on his computer.

‘You should’ve seen this girl, she was _way_ outta his league.’ Jordan clenched his teeth to try and keep his composure, JJ taking note and continuing, ‘She was about your height, brown hair, was wearing this outfit that made me think of you- come to think of it, she kinda looked like you. Yeah, she looked a lot like you, only in girl form. Weird…’ A pause fell between them until Blaine cried out, agreeing with JJ’s statement and questioning if he had inadvertently just called Jordan hot. Kyle and Kara laughed at him as Chris joined in, JJ giving Jordan a grin before turning to his computer and leaving him be.

Jordan booted up his own computer, looking over at JJ for some sort of explanation as to why he felt the need to point that out, but received nothing. He furrowed his brow and went to work, fine-tuning a shot of a car exploding and starting on the lip syncing. He didn’t notice Brandon come in until he was sitting down, looking and smelling a lot nicer than before, although he still looked horribly tired. Everyone said their hellos and he got to work, nudging Jordan to get his attention and thanking him.

Jordan pointed out that he didn’t have to cover for him that morning, keeping his eyes on the screen and ignoring the feeling of Brandon’s hand on his shoulder. ‘No I mean… thanks for dealing with my bullshit lately. It’s been really shitty of me to keep bringing girls home and expecting you to take care of me, but I’m gunna try and stop that. You’ve been real patient with me, so how about we go out tonight for drinks? It’s on me.’ Jordan’s mouth fell open as Brandon squeezed his shoulder and smiled, looking like he truly wanted to spend the night with him and quit his rather bad habits.

‘Uh- yeah, sure! We can do that, although it’s a little early in the week to get drunk,’ he replied with a big grin on his face, Brandon’s own smile growing before they turned back to their computers and got back to work; Jordan smiled all the way to lunch, hardly able to concentrate on what he was doing at the thought of him and Brandon hanging out like old times, just the two of them with no friends or girls to distract them.

When lunch rolled around though and everyone heard the sound of shouting coming from the other building, they all ran over to see Miles and Kerry screaming and jumping around like excited schoolgirls, Monty asleep at his desk. Everyone just stared as more people joined in until Burnie came downstairs and opened a bottle of champagne and explained that they had just finished up the first finale for RWBY and that everyone was going to go to dinner tonight to celebrate.

Jordan was two seconds away from declining the offer to go after Burnie asked him when Brandon piped up with, ‘Of course! We weren’t really doing anything tonight, right Jordan?’

JJ looked to his friend just in time to see a look of _something_ flash across his face before he was smiling, his hands gripping for anything he could reach just to hold on to it. ‘You guys can go ahead, I was gunna stay late tonight and start the new RTAA. Is Geoff in the Achievement Hunter office? I have to ask him if Griffon can be in the next episode,’ he said as cheerfully as he could muster, slipping away from the group to head down the hall. JJ looked back to Brandon who watched him go, his expression as straight-faced as it could be before going over to congratulate Miles and Kerry on their first completed season.

Jordan kept to himself for the rest of the day, only answering when someone asked for something important, and keeping out of small talk altogether. When everyone started packing up to get ready for dinner he stayed behind like he said he would, Geoff having given him the okay and downloading the podcast he needed. With all the work he had done that day he had finished the RTAA and rendered it, as well as picked a few future ideas to do for the rest of the month.

As he watched the download bar he heard Brandon say goodnight and that he’d see him at home, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer. His friend stood there a moment before walking out with the others, JJ giving him a look before joining them. Now he was alone, and as soon as he was sure no one else was there he let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair, taking off his headphones and closing his eyes. He wasn’t as angry as he was before, but Brandon’s words still stung. He knew he shouldn’t be angry because this really was a big deal for Miles and Kerry and he really was happy for them, but for a few hours he had thought that they would spend the night together, just the two of them.

For a few hours he had thought that he could pretend they were…

He let out a groan and decided to just go home and watch a movie, collecting his things as the download finished before shutting down and making sure to lock up. The drive home was quiet, and entering the apartment was even quieter, the sound of him kicking off his shoes and hanging up his coat almost intrusive. He looked to Brandon’s room before just collapsing on the couch, opting to just go to bed and forgoing the movie altogether.

When Brandon came home later that night he didn’t notice that he had brought company again.

Jordan was rather unlike himself for the rest of the week, starting on Tuesday when he finally got a chance to watch the new Recap; he didn’t hide his distaste when he saw that Brandon was flirting with the women hanging out at the downtown Halloween party but did manage not to say anything about it. He gave Burnie the new RTAA and went to work on the next episode, choosing a little bit from Podcast 82 when Griffon chewed Brandon out for his little comment on how she was raising Millie to have bad habits when she grew older.

A few times the others would glance over and try to guess what story he was telling, hearing a couple of them place bets when they were more confident on their choice when they saw Griffon. Working on the animation calmed him down a little, and when JJ offered to take him out to lunch he didn’t refuse, but only if Brandon wasn’t going with them; he whispered that part and JJ didn’t press for answers. So they stepped out for a bit and Jordan had to admit that he’d been holding his breath the whole day and stepping out of the Annex was a huge relief to him.

Their lunch together relaxed Jordan enough that he could laugh and joke around with him, the drive back almost depressing because he knew who he’d have to sit next to and eventually go home with again. Before they went inside Jordan grabbed onto JJ’s sleeve and quietly thanked him, his friend giving him an almost sad smile before pulling him into a quick hug and walking inside.

On Wednesday everyone saw the new RTAA and applauded him and Shane for it, almost everyone impressed with the explosion he had been stressing about all week. Everyone convinced him to take a little time off to goof around with them for the new RT Life, and by the end of filming he felt like all his troubles from Monday were long gone. His mood lifted even more when Brandon was the one to invite him to lunch that day, and this time he didn’t cancel their plans.

By Thursday everything was back to the way it was, he and Brandon having stayed up late to order pizza and watch movies with no one else and _especially_ no girls involved. He came to work chipper and full of energy, getting a great deal of animation done and helping anyone who needed anything, even if it was to go next door to grab a coffee. When 8 o’clock rolled around and everyone began talking about going out to the bar Jordan spun around in his chair to join them, Brandon asking if he wanted to go and finally apologizing about what he had done on Monday. Jordan forgave him and, at the request of their co-workers, they hugged it out.

Jordan tried to hide how red his face had become by running next door to grab a snack.

That night everyone gathered around their cars, Chris opting out for once. JJ was already filming, planning on documenting the entire night to everyone’s displeasure. Jordan had driven Brandon to work that day so they didn’t have to drive in separate cars, and despite how many times they had carpooled together Jordan couldn’t help but feel nervous when Brandon got into the passenger seat. He didn’t know why, but tonight just felt… different.

Maybe it was because they hadn’t properly hung out together in a while? He didn’t know, but the feeling remained all the way to the bar, and he pushed it to the back of his mind as they sat down and ordered drinks.

Ordering took a lot less time without Chris there (perhaps that was why he had opted out?) and in no time they were all drinking and laughing at something Kyle had said. JJ was still filming like he said he was going to, and Blaine was catching the eye of a few lovely ladies, although he would never walk up to any of them of course; only their group knew how nervous he got around girls, and JJ had admitted that it was one of his endearing qualities when he found out.  

A couple hours passed by like nothing, Jordan just on the edge of drunk and Brandon already long gone. Blaine didn’t drink as much and Kyle had left to have dinner with his girlfriend, so now it was just the four of them with Blaine as the designated driver for JJ once he became too drunk to drive, which, judging by the number of beers he had already downed, would be any minute now. Brandon got up to grab himself another drink, Jordan giving him some money to grab him one too, and as soon as the former was gone JJ turned his camera on Jordan and just grinned.

‘It’s been a while since you’ve been out with us. How does it feel?’ he asked as professionally as he could, Jordan smiling that smile of his and shrugging.

‘It’s been fun, I really missed going out like this.’ He paused, frowning a little. ‘This… isn’t going up on YouTube, right?’ he asked, knowing for certain that JJ had definitely caught a few of the looks he’d given Brandon over the night on camera and that the internet was sure to pick up on them if they saw.

‘Maybe as a future RT Life, I dunno,’ he told him with a shrug of his own, winking at him before turning his attention to Blaine. He was about to ask him a question when he looked past him and saw Brandon at the bar, someone standing with him. ‘Christ- not again.’

‘What?’ Jordan didn’t even have to ask before he was looking as well, spotting his friend leaning as casually as he could against the bar and talking to a girl waiting for her own drink; judging by his (attempted) seductive expression and her calm refusal he was trying to buy her a drink, and even though he tried not to Jordan couldn’t help but let his face fall, his shoulders slumping and chest aching slightly when Brandon laughed at something she had said.

JJ looked at Jordan but didn’t say anything, his camera focused on the table so it wouldn’t pick up how sad he looked before Jordan felt his eyes on him and put on a smile. ‘What’s with the look?’ he asked, continuing to smile as JJ merely frowned at him, his own expression unreadable to a degree.

They stared at each other, Jordan trying to understand exactly what JJ was trying to convey when Brandon sat back down, their drinks in his hands and a big, dumb smile on his face. ‘So how’d it go?’ Blaine barely had time to ask before Brandon was pulling out a slip of paper from his pocket and flashing the girl’s number to the table, his smile growing wider.

Jordan grabbed his drink and drank as fast as he could, his throat burning and his eyes watering, everyone just staring at him in awe as he set the glass back down and coughed. He put his smile back on and clapped a hand on Brandon’s shoulder, the latter almost buckling from the force of it. ‘Hey, congrats buddy. She’s really pretty,’ he lied, the corners of his mouth twitching when Brandon smiled at him and nodded, staring happily at the number before putting it safely back in his pocket.

Another hour went by before any of them knew it, JJ putting his camera away when the battery died and Blaine ordering a bit of food to make up for the drinks he wasn’t having with Brandon making up for them himself. By this point Jordan had sobered up a bit so that Blaine wouldn’t have to drive them all home, although every time Brandon talked about the new girl he’d met it only made him want to drink more. He tried to ignore the glances JJ would give him each time the girl was brought up, but when Blaine asked Brandon if he was going to go home with her and Brandon said he’d try, Jordan couldn’t ignore the shoe making contact with his shin. He let out a cry of pain and glared at him, JJ glaring back just as hard, the both of them just looking at one another until Brandon raised his eyebrows and got up to get another drink.

Jordan waited until Brandon was just out of earshot before leaning forward across the table, JJ not even flinching when he slammed his hands onto the table. ‘What the hell is your problem? You’re being more of a prick than usual tonight!’ he hissed, Blaine jumping and looking around awkwardly when JJ refused to answer, their table shrouded in a tense silence as Jordan waited for an explanation, JJ not giving one up. When a minute had passed and nothing had been said, Jordan let out a groan and fell back onto his seat, glad they were in a booth as he pushed himself into the corner and just waited for Brandon to get back so he could ask if he could go home; by this point he didn’t care if he left with or without him.

When ten whole minutes had passed and Brandon had yet to return Jordan excused himself from the table to find him, still a little miffed from before but the worry of Brandon having passed out somewhere or gotten into trouble was quickly overcoming those thoughts. He checked the bar and found nothing, looking around at everyone for a familiar face before checking the bathroom. He pushed past a few people and entered the short hallway that led to the bathrooms, coming to a dead stop when he recognized one of the two people heatedly kissing just ahead of him.

Brandon had apparently found that girl from earlier because there she was with her legs wrapped around his waist, biting her lip and letting out rather lewd sounds as he kissed and bit at her neck and collar, his hands holding her up and keeping her pressed against the wall. She noticed Jordan first, her face turning red as she realized they were being watched. ‘Can I help you with something?’ she asked rather rudely, Brandon stopping to see who he was talking to. As soon as their eyes met Jordan lost all control, his hands clenching as he turned and ran, ignoring the shouts that followed him and were quickly drowned out by the noises of the bar.

He didn’t bother going back to the table, knowing he wouldn’t be able to face the others like this, ‘this’ being the way his chest felt like it was going to explode as he shoved open the front door and felt his feet try to carry him as far away from the building as possible. God he was pathetic; this wasn’t new, he had been there when Brandon had come home with girls, and he had seen him kiss them on their way to the bedroom, done as he said when he left the apartment so they could be alone, put up with the countless faces he had been introduced to over the time he had worked at Rooster Teeth, so why was this time so painful?

He didn’t know someone was chasing after him until he was being pulled into an alley and pressed into the wall, his heart pounding in his ears the whole time. He didn’t know it was Brandon until he heard his voice asking him why he had ran, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t answer him.

He didn’t know he was crying until Brandon asked him why he was.

Jordan’s eyes widened before he reached up and tried to wipe the tears away, his arm falling limply to his side when he realized they weren’t stopping. Instead he tried to push Brandon off, the grip on his shoulders becoming tighter to make sure he stayed where he was. ‘Let me go,’ he mumbled, trying to use all his strength to get free only to find his energy just gone. When Brandon refused to move he tried again, their eyes meeting and Brandon flinching when he saw the pain in his friend’s eyes. ‘Brandon I’m not kidding, _let me go_.’ He thrashed around for a moment before he became all too aware of the hands on his shoulders and he stilled, his chin hitting his chest as he tried to hide his face in the shadows off the alley.

The two of them just stood there as Jordan tried to stop crying, his soft sobs the only sound that reached them despite the world still turning around them, Brandon’s voice breaking the silence and sounding foreign to the both of them. ‘Hey, is this because I was kissing that girl?’ Jordan paused before nodding, his body starting to tremble. ‘Is it because you like her?’

The pause that followed the question seemed to make Jordan’s head spin. He was afraid, terrified even, and he knew if he answered truthfully it could ruin everything, but yet, against his better judgment, he shook his head and waited for the punch. Brandon didn’t punch him or yell at him for his answer, although he did remain silent, Jordan shutting his eyes tight and knowing that even being as drunk as he was Brandon was still sure to put 2 and 2 together.

He was about ready to try just kicking him and running when he felt Brandon lean forward and before he knew it his lips were pressed against his own, Jordan staring wide eyed at Brandon’s closed ones. He could smell the girl’s perfume clinging to his clothes and could slightly taste her lipstick on his mouth, and he couldn’t deny the overwhelming flavour of alcohol surrounding them. Despite how messy and awkward the kiss was it was still so incredibly _Brandon_ that Jordan felt his knees go weak as he pulled away and they stood there breathing each other’s air.

The silence between them was shorter this time as Brandon smiled and leaned in, not for another kiss, but to whisper, ‘Wanna get out of here?’ Jordan swallowed heavily and nodded, Brandon letting go so Jordan could run back inside and grab their things. When he reached the table he found Blaine discussing something with a very tired JJ, and he almost didn’t notice the grin his friend gave him when he grabbed their coats and threw some money on the table with a quick, ‘I’m taking Brandon home, see you guys tomorrow,’ before racing out again.

He ran out to see Brandon leaning against his car, his expression unreadable but turning into a smile once he saw him coming. He unlocked the doors and they got inside, Jordan’s hands shaking as soon as the engine started and by the time they reached the road he felt like he was going to be sick. Brandon was just staring out the window, occasionally blinking away the fuzziness that clouded his vision, not saying a word, not even turning on the radio. A few times Jordan tried to say something, anything that would reassure him that everything was okay, but each time he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out.

When they pulled into the parking lot for their apartment complex Jordan was absolutely certain he was going to faint, and when he looked over to see Brandon a lot more coherent than he was before the worry started to overtake him. By the time they reached the building he was certain Brandon had sobered up enough to start thinking about what they’d done, and when they reached the elevator to take them to their floor he knew that Brandon had realized his mistake.

They reached the door, Jordan fumbling with the keys as the thought of nothing happening as soon as they stepped inside flashed through his mind, and he knew that if anything did happen that in Brandon’s state it could be considered not consensual by the time he woke up the next morning. So because of this, because of Brandon’s lack of stating what he wanted and all the drinks he had consumed, he entered the apartment and took a deep breath, willing away his own desires for Brandon’s sake.

He opened his mouth again, this time to tell Brandon he was tired and that he just wanted to go to sleep, but before he could his back was against the wall and he was being kissed again. He couldn’t help himself but kiss him back, his mind racing with the thoughts of, ‘Is he kissing me because he wants to, or because he thinks he _has_ to?’ So, even though this was all he wanted for so many months, he pushed him off successfully this time, Brandon backing off as soon as he felt his hands on his chest.

‘What… what do _you_ want, Brandon?’ he forced himself to say, his voice barely a whisper, the other not breaking eye contact as his hands slid from Jordan’s shoulders down to his arms. His eyes were half-lidded and even in the darkness of the room Jordan could see the slight tint to his cheeks, although whether it was from the drinks or their kiss he didn’t know. The grip he had on his shoulders was so tight that Jordan was convinced that Brandon would fall if he let go. _God_ he’d wanted this for so long, he’d been so desperate to even come close to living this like he’d imagined late at night with his blanket between his teeth to keep quiet and his hand stroking himself to release with Brandon sleeping in the next room.

Now he could have it, he could finally have all of it if Brandon let him and here he was keeping a solid grip of his shirt to push him away because he was certain he’d pull him into another kiss and never let go if he let himself.  So when Brandon leaned he turned away, closing his eyes and trying to merge with the wall if he could to avoid the temptation; instead of kissing him Brandon just lightly brushed his lips against his ear, his voice low and unlike anything Jordan had ever heard before.

‘I know,’ he murmured, and Jordan’s eyes snapped open as his heart skipped a beat. ‘I’ve known for a few months now. You guys think I don’t notice a lot of things, but I do. Like how you’re always looking at me at work, or here when we’re hanging out, and how you’re always staring at my mouth like you want to kiss me. How if you accidentally touch me you’d pull away like I’d burned you. And how at night you think you’re being quiet but you moan a little too loud or make a little too much noise rustling around; I’ve even heard you say my name a couple of times. You think I don’t notice, but I always do, Jordan.’

Jordan didn’t realize he had stopped breathing until he took in a breath and felt his head spin, his heart pounding in his chest and his entire body cold. He had been found out; even if something happened between them and Brandon forgot everything by tomorrow he would always know how he felt because he _had_ always known, and even with this knowledge had continued to flaunt his hookups and one night stands in his face. He wanted to be angry, to punch Brandon right in the goddamn face for everything he had ever put him through knowing what he did, but he couldn’t do it, not right now.

He tried to say something before closing his mouth and using the last of his strength to push Brandon as far away as he could, turning back to the door and letting his head fall. ‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered, Brandon unmoving behind him, ‘I’ll pack all my stuff up tomorrow and find somewhere else to stay.’ He didn’t know where he would go that night but he knew he had to get out of there before he made an even bigger fool of himself, before Brandon surely hated him more than he already did.

He didn’t expect to feel arms wrap around his waist, keeping him from leaving as Brandon’s mouth left a single kiss to his neck before speaking again. ‘Do you know why I always flirt with every pretty girl I see and go out of my way to tell you about it?’ Jordan didn’t answer, knowing that it was to get the hint across that Brandon didn’t feel the same as he did. ‘It was to get you to step up and try and steal me away; I wanted to make sure you wanted me just as bad as I want you.’

The urge to punch Brandon square in the face resurfaced as Jordan wanted to turn around and tell him that that was _absolutely_ _not_ the way to see if someone liked you, but instead he turned around and crashed their lips together, using that passion and putting it into the kiss. This one was a lot more urgent for the both of them, Jordan because he couldn’t stand another second of this doubt, Brandon because he had finally admitted his own secret and couldn’t stand to waste another second with Jordan not in his arms.

Despite his newfound bravery Jordan was still shaking, although he wasn’t sure if it was from excitement or fear of what was to come; Brandon’s hands were tugging at his tucked in shirt and they were stepping towards the bedroom and he was fully aware of it. Brandon pushed open the door and broke the kiss, Jordan just standing there and resisting the urge to cower under his gaze as he realized he was finally on the receiving end of the looks he envied so much. Brandon closed and locked the door despite them being the only ones home and Jordan swallowed heavily, the former walking back over to him and pushing him gently onto the bed.

He pulled Jordan’s shirt free from where it was tucked into the his pants and began to undo each button with utmost care, taking off his casual bowtie and setting in down on top of his dresser. Even though his chest was the only thing exposed Jordan still felt naked, very much aware of his earlier insecurities and comparing himself to the women Brandon had been with before, because even though it had all been a test for him it didn’t change the fact that it had happened.

There was no way that Brandon wasn’t fond of soft skin and supple breasts and the gentle caress of a woman because of all the nights he had spent with them, and in sitting there, inexperienced and obviously flat chested and awkward and so incredibly _male_ he worried that Brandon wouldn’t enjoy his time with him; he brought a hand to his face and felt his beard, wondering if he should go and shave real quick before Brandon turned and saw him, saw his unsure expression, and chuckled to himself.

‘You can’t hide your thoughts from me, Jordan. You’re my best friend and I’m yours; I know what you think when you make faces like that.’ He kneeled onto the bed, placing a hand on Jordan’s chest and smiling a smile that conveyed nothing but pure adoration towards him. ‘If I didn’t want to be with you I wouldn’t be here right now.’ He gave him a quick kiss on his forehead. ‘You’re perfect just the way you are.’

Jordan leaned back as Brandon then trailed kisses down his chest, stopping once he reached his stomach and reaching for his belt. As soon as it was unbuckled Jordan panicked and stopped him, Brandon looking up in shock that maybe Jordan wasn’t happy with where this was going, only for him to say, ‘I’m not gunna let you do _everything_.’ Brandon smiled and sat back, Jordan biting his lip and pulling his shirt off for him, rolling up his sleeves instead taking off his own shirt when they got in the way. He quickly undid his belt and jeans, pulling him forward onto his lap and preparing to remove his pants, but as soon as he saw the obvious tent in Brandon’s boxers he froze like a deer in the headlights, his face heating up as he looked away and refused to make eye contact.

Brandon laughed and sat up as straight as he could, raising an eyebrow when Jordan didn’t go any further. ‘So, have you ever, y’know, been with anyone before?’ he asked, Jordan thinking for a moment before nodding.

‘Just once, senior year of high school,’ he muttered, feeling more inexperienced than ever before.

‘Was it with a guy?’

‘…No.’

‘Have you ever done _anything_ with a guy before?’

‘…’

Brandon snickered softly and stood up, pushing Jordan further onto the bed until his back was touching the headboard. Jordan just watched as Brandon finished what he’d started and undid Jordan’s pants, stopping for a second to remove his shoes; in their rush to get to the bedroom they had forgotten to take them off. He dropped them onto the floor and, with a hint of trouble, slid his skinny jeans off and tossed them on top of his shoes. Brandon let out a laugh when he saw Jordan’s tight briefs, the latter covering himself and trying desperately to think of something witty to say but came up with nothing, his clever quips and jokes failing him as soon as Brandon pointed out how hard he already was.

Jordan couldn’t help but stare as Brandon sat back and made a small show out of removing his own jeans, tossing them onto the floor before crawling on top of him and just waiting, both afraid to make the first move. Jordan finally caught Brandon’s eye, fidgeting under his gaze and waiting for something to be said by either of them, anything at all he didn’t care, because there they were, it was actually happening, there Brandon was with his waist hovering just above Jordan’s own, waiting for him to say it was okay. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to speak, and at seeing Brandon’s confidence start to falter when he remained silent, Jordan merely smiled and reached up, grabbing him by the back of his neck and kissing him. Brandon grinned against Jordan’s lips before pressing their waists together, catching Jordan’s sound of surprise with his mouth as he grinded against him.

As things became more heated and their kisses became more desperate Jordan’s own confidence grew, his hand letting go off the blankets to wrap around Brandon’s neck. He felt the scratches from the woman earlier that week still healing, and as he opened his mouth to let Brandon in he dragged his nails over his shoulder blades and relished in the noises Brandon made in response.  When Brandon moved his mouth to kiss at Jordan’s jaw and bite at his neck and collarbone he clung to him like he life depended on it, arching forward and creating delicious friction between them.

The sound of their panting and moans filled the room, Brandon not hiding his grin as he breathed that he always want to hear Jordan whimper his name in person. Jordan felt his face grow hot as the thought of Brandon secretly getting off to the sounds of Jordan getting off flashed through his mind, the entire thing so scandalous that it made him want it even more. He looked down on the old marks from the women before him, noting the fresh one the woman in the bar had tried to leave on him before he interrupted. He frowned and bit down on the already tender skin, Brandon hissing in response as he sucked a bruise to cover up the other into his skin; Brandon quickly caught on to what he was doing, and Jordan could’ve sworn he could feel his laugh against his neck.

They grinded more feverishly against each other, Brandon not able to take it anymore before reaching down to rid Jordan of his briefs. As soon as his fingers touched the fabric Jordan stopped him, not saying a word as he sat up and flipped them over. Brandon just watched as Jordan, without a trace of fear and running purely on adrenaline and lust and _need_ , removed his boxers and, after swallowing heavily at the size of it and stroking him a few times, licked a trail up his shaft and took him into his mouth.

He had never done this before and he was so certain he would mess up somehow, but the noises Brandon was making as his head fell back against the pillows let him know he was doing a good job; he would never admit that this was one of his most prominent fantasies, and that doing it for real was making him painfully harder than he already was. He arched forward and propped his upper body on his elbows, rutting against the bed to help ease the tension as he attempted to take as much of Brandon as he could, his hands clutching his thighs the entire time.

It wasn’t long before Jordan felt a hand run through his hair, nails scraping gently across his scalp and thoroughly mussing it up before gripping it tight, the feeling making him groan around Brandon’s cock and causing him to give his hair a little tug to signal he was getting close. That only made Jordan suck harder, hollowing out his cheeks and digging his nails into his thighs as he tried to take him deeper before Brandon was speaking up, warning him to stop and pulling him off. Jordan let go with a cough and a small pop, his lips swollen and his cheeks red as his mouth made an O shape in surprise.

‘I need to fuck you, _now_ ,’ Brandon growled, Jordan’s eyes growing wide as he was being moved again, this time with Brandon behind him as he got on his hands and knees. Jordan whimpered as Brandon removed his briefs, the cold air hitting his erection and making him shiver as he realized they were both completely nude. He mentally prepared himself as Brandon reached into his bedside dresser and pulled out a condom and some lube, noticing how empty the bottle was becoming with a slight sneer, his jealousy geared towards those before him resurfacing.

He pushed it aside when he told himself that he was the one Brandon wanted, that he was always the one, and when he felt the latter’s body heat on his skin he couldn’t help but grin.

The only sound in the room was of Brandon tearing open the wrapper and putting the condom on, the sound drowned out by Jordan’s heart beating in his ears before a calm hand was resting on his back and Brandon was clearing his throat, desire radiating off of him. ‘Jordan, is this really what you want?’ he asked, his voice low and gentle; Jordan nodded, saying a yes out loud when Brandon didn’t continue. ‘This is going to hurt, you know.’ Another nod. ‘If you change your mind at any time just tell me and I’ll stop, no matter what, okay?’

Jordan forced himself to speak, his hands clutching the blankets as Brandon repeated, ‘Okay…’ softly to himself, and then he was being stretched for the first time, his mind already berating him for never trying this before because _god_ this really was going to hurt. It felt so odd and already was too much, but he bit his lip to distract himself and waited, Brandon easing in a second finger and scissoring him. At this Jordan let out a hiss and faltered, his arms shaking as Brandon immediately stopped and asked if he was okay. ‘I’m fine just- don’t stop. I want this so bad, _please_ don’t stop,’ he urged, Brandon doing as he was told and continuing.

When a third finger was added Jordan told himself that this was nothing, that the actual act would be so much worse but it would be worth it, and when Brandon left him empty to pour a generous amount of lube into his palm he gritted his teeth and held his breath. He knew Brandon was waiting for him, he could feel him pressed up against him and hear his heavy breathing as he held back, so, even though his better judgment was screaming at him, he gave him the okay.

Brandon pushed in slowly, giving Jordan time to adjust and making sure he wasn’t hurting him too horribly for his first time, and Jordan certainly couldn’t stop the string of curses that fell from his lips as he forced his body to relax. He could tell Brandon was trying not to let it show, but again his noises were giving him away, the way his breath hitched when he felt just how tight Jordan was, making him aroused despite the pain.

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he groaned, the word drawn out on his breath, and it was the single most obscene thing Jordan had ever heard in his life. He felt his arms give out and he lowered his head to the pillows, resting on his elbows like before as Brandon pushed in all the way to the hilt, leaning on Jordan for support. Neither of them moved, Jordan because he was so overwhelmed, Brandon because he had seen the pained look on his face and refused to move again until he was sure he was alright even though he could hardly stand another second of this.

‘I’m fine. Just- for the love of god _move_ ,’ Jordan pleaded, Brandon digging his nails into Jordan’s back and pulling out as slow as he could, pushing back in at a pace that was almost torturous to the both of them. He swore again and Jordan could feel Brandon’s legs shaking behind him, knowing that he needed more and quick, but no matter how much he wanted to give he knew that he would not be able to lest he surely break.

So they took it slow for a while, both of them panting until Brandon leaned forward and changed his angle slightly, a sudden yelp falling from Jordan’s mouth as something that he could describe only as pure, unadulterated pleasure tore through him. Brandon knew he did good when he felt every muscle tense and Jordan let out a gasp when he thrusted in again, and when he did it a third time he couldn’t help but grin when Jordan buried his face in the pillows and _moaned_.

Just to make sure Brandon slowed but didn’t stop, about to ask if he was alright when Jordan lifted his head and looked at him, his eyes dark with lust. ‘Do that again,’ he demanded, Brandon not having to be told twice as he picked up the pace. Another string of curses filled the room for a different reason this time as Brandon, who knew that he was much closer than Jordan was, reached around him and grabbed onto his cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts to help him along.

It didn’t take long before Jordan was very overwhelmed, crying out into the pillow each time he was pounded into, Brandon fucking him into the mattress as he lost all control. Jordan didn’t hold back the sound of surprise when Brandon came behind him, pushing back and helping him through his orgasm with a grin as Brandon moaned his name. He still hadn’t come and the both of them knew his energy was gone by that point and that Jordan would probably not be able to come this way so Brandon pulled out, fingered Jordan to help with the sudden emptiness, and gently rolled him onto his back again when his body went limp.

Jordan watched with half-lidded eyes as Brandon backed up and mirrored Jordan’s earlier actions, taking his dick in his mouth and stroking what he couldn’t fit, all the while keeping his eyes on Jordan’s. With the sight of Brandon sucking him off mixed with the feeling of it and fingers brushing against his prostate Jordan’s eyes closed tight as he was quickly brought over the edge. Brandon grimaced at the taste that filled his mouth but didn’t pull away, milking Jordan for all he had to give and swallowing before licking him clean and sitting up.

Jordan opened his eyes just in time to see Brandon lick his lips and smile at him before taking off the condom, tying it and throwing it out without a word. He pulled the blanket free from under Jordan and crawled into bed, helping Jordan join him when he muttered that his legs felt like jelly. Brandon rolled onto his side and Jordan did the same, a hand snaking across his waist to pull him into the position of the ‘Little Spoon’ to Jordan’s surprise and joy.

Jordan smiled and closed his eyes contently as Brandon pressed a soft kiss to the back of his head, and before he could stop himself he whispered, ‘I love you.’ He felt Brandon twitch ever so slightly but didn’t get a response, settling for just the kiss as they both drifted off to sleep.

Jordan woke up alone the next morning, not realizing Brandon wasn’t in the apartment at all until after he had gotten up, grabbed some clean clothes, showered, and gotten ready for the day. He found a note on the kitchen counter telling him that Brandon had woken up early to go in to talk to Burnie, and although he felt a little nervous about it he pushed the negative thoughts aside and made himself some breakfast.

Jordan didn’t realize that his entire body was in pain until he had sat down and felt a sharp ache make him immediately stand back up again with a gasp, his legs shaking a little. He groaned to himself thinking about all the sitting he had to do that day, but upon thinking why he hurt exactly he knew it was worth it and sat down, a hand coming up to gently touch one of the darker marks Brandon had left on his skin.

He came to work more relaxed than he had ever been before, practically waltzing into the Annex and greeting everyone cheerfully, to their surprise. Everyone wished him a good morning in return, going back to their own conversations save JJ who was giving him a funny look as he sat down and booted up his computer with an atmosphere surrounding him not unlike Miles and Kerry’s from Monday.

‘You cold?’ JJ’s voice broke through the pleasant memories and Jordan turned his attention to him, wondering what he meant before he saw that he was still wearing his hoodie to hide the marks.

‘Uh, yeah, just a bit. It _is_ rather chilly outside,’ he lied, although his smile was 100% genuine, JJ only nodding as the corner of his mouth twitched up into a half-grin as he turned back to his computer. Jordan went to work as fast as he could, chuckling to himself as he watched what he had so far over and over in content peace until he felt someone tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Brandon and was about to wish him a good morning when he noticed the look on his face.

Brandon was frowning and looked very concerned, making sure not to make eye contact as Jordan’s smile fell. ‘Hey, can I see you in the other room for a sec? We need to talk,’ he muttered, his voice low enough so only Jordan could hear.

‘Is something wrong?’ Jordan managed to say, JJ glancing at them as discreetly as he could as Brandon sighed and Jordan’s heart fell, knowing exactly what was to come. He stood and followed Brandon out of their office and into the large recording studio housing the Podcast set, Jordan heading for it to sit down but stopping when he noticed that Brandon was just standing there, staring at him.

As soon as Jordan approached him the fidgeting began, Brandon looking like he really wanted to speak but not being able to for what was probably the first time, Jordan only taking so much before the words burst out of him, his hands clenched at his sides. ‘I’m sorry for last night. I know I should’ve known better and I _know_ I shouldn’t have let anything happen while you were still drunk, but… I had thought…’ He paused, his throat growing tight as he felt the greatest disappoint he had ever felt wash over him. ‘If you want me out of the apartment, I’ll go home early today and-’

‘I don’t remember anything from last night.’ Brandon cut him off, Jordan flinching like his statement had stabbed him. ‘I remember up until we went out for drinks, and then it’s all just a haze, but when I woke up this morning and we- well, you know.’ Jordan stared hard at the cement floor, wishing he could animate himself right out of existence in that moment. ‘The thing is though, I _want_ to remember, and I don’t know when this happened but I know I told you I wanted you, and I meant it. I know I kissed you and even though it probably wasn’t the biggest thing that happened last night-’ Jordan coughed and felt his face heat up again ‘-to me the thought of that alone made me happier than any kiss I’ve ever gotten from anyone before.’

Jordan finally looked at him, his eyes lighting up as his expression turned from absolute sadness to one of hope.

‘I’m not mad at you for liking me, and I’m not mad that we did what we did, I just regret that I can’t remember our first night together,’ Brandon admitted, Jordan just staring at him, trying to search for the perfect words until he opened his mouth and said, ‘That was so incredibly gay.’

Brandon didn’t even have time to be offended before Jordan was pulling him into a kiss, the happiness in his chest incomparable to any moment in his life as Brandon, completely sober and aware of his actions, kissed him back. Both felt like nothing could spoil their high before the sound of excited yelling came from around the corner, Jordan pulling away to look over Brandon’s shoulder, his eyes widening when he saw everyone peeking at them and cheering their heads off.

Brandon spun around as Chris highfived Kyle and Kara jumped for joy, Blaine making a face as he pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to JJ, who saluted Jordan and gave him a quick wink. ‘What the- get back to work!’ Brandon shouted and the others feigned fear, Chris and Kyle making kissing noises at them while Jordan laughed, everyone rushing back into the office as JJ very loudly thanked Blaine for losing the bet before disappearing around the corner. ‘Bunch of idiots…’

They waited until they were alone again, Jordan feeling like a schoolgirl when Brandon entwined his fingers with his own. ‘So, does this mean we’re dating now?’ he asked, Brandon chuckling and nudging into him. ‘Good. And you had to talk to Burnie because…?’

‘I had to tell him about us and sign some paperwork, you know, legit forms and junk like Michael and Lindsay had to do. And Miles and Arryn. And Jack and Caiti,’ Brandon said, trailing off to list all the other couples in the company. ‘Oh, by the way, you gotta sign them too at some point today so don’t forget.’ Jordan gave him a grin and let go of his hand before strolling over to the hallway, Brandon following him as he started to frown and look a little worried. ‘This isn’t going to be the next RTAA, is it? I mean, it’d better not be; the internet would throw a fit if they knew about us,’ he said, Jordan giving him a quick peck on the cheek and heading for his desk, Brandon calling after him for an answer, JJ asking if he could offer his side of the story when they started recording to Brandon’s dismay.

Jordan only grinned as he sat down in his chair, opening a new project in Flash and wondering how he was going to draw JJ and himself for the new episode.


End file.
